The NOT Sleep Study

Where do I begin? Oh, how about: the sleep study sucked. I mean, it was really horrible. I have no idea how they expect you to actually sleep.

After getting all hooked up to about a million wires (I never exaggerate) on my legs, shoulders, head (scalp), face and finger they turn out the lights and say, "Relax and be sure to sleep on your back."

Um, really? I don't normally sleep on my back so I spent an hour just trying to fall asleep on my back before giving up and turning to my side. Only to find that turning with all the wires was virtually impossible. It's a good thing they were monitoring me all night or I might have strangled myself.

The sleep tech came in multiple times because some of the leads kept coming off my head. Nothing like someone shining a flashlight in your face and pushing on your head to make you relax.

Then around 2 a.m. the sleep tech came back and put a CPAP mask on me. Apparently my doctor ordered a split study meaning that the first half of the night they would monitor me and then the second half I'd be connected to the CPAP machine.

I chose the least claustrophobic mask which still had to be tightly strapped around my head but only consisted of a very small plastic piece that went in my nostrils. After I was all hooked up, he said, "Okay. Relax and try to sleep on your back. And only breathe through your nose."

Really, people? I have this thing very tightly strapped to my head. And, breathing through my nose is a very recent phenomena for me...resulting from my Dec. 30 sinus surgery. I can definitely breathe much better now but am not used to only breathing through my nose since I've been a mouth breather for most of my 36 years.

I did actually manage to get some sleep before I heard, "Morning," over the intercom at 5:15. It's a good thing he didn't add "good" to that or I might have had a really not nice response.

Nothing really good about this morning, other than I'm done with the sleep study and I got to come home, wash all the crap out of my hair and see my two favorite boys.

Sleep studies suck. Just in case there's any doubt remaining. All I really want to do is crawl in bed and actually get some sleep.