My way or the highway...

Some of you may know that I'm a black and white kind of person...very little room for gray in my life. There's fair and unfair. There's right and wrong. There's good and bad. And there's one right way to do things.

While I consider myself to be fairly self-aware, I don't think you notice the full extent of these tendencies until you see those same things in your children. Yikes.

I've started to notice that Torin likes things done a specific way. Hmmm...wonder where he gets that from?

And I've noticed that I can tend to lose patience when he wants to do things his own way. Like this morning. We sat down to do a math puzzle on the floor. There are 30 pieces which make 3 different puzzles by matching the color on the bottom of the piece and then putting all the green pieces in order from 1 to 10.

But Torin didn't want to do it that way. He wanted to mix the colors and then he wanted to put all three 10s together. I found myself getting frustrated and telling him that wasn't the right way to do it. I didn't want to do it his way and he clearly didn't want to do it my way.

There are times when my way matters and it's worth the fight...for safety, respect or other character developing reasons. But there are times when it really doesn't matter. I just need to let him be a kid and figure things out for himself. Let him do things his way. Let him be creative.

Most times I think I have more to learn than he does.

Keep your eye on the ball...literally

I've been meaning to blog about this for a few weeks now. Finally taking a moment to get this moment recorded.

A few weeks ago we were all in the basement and Torin was playing with his t-ball set. From everything we can tell, Torin is left handed so Chris was teaching him how to bat left handed. He actually does really well.

After one particular hit, Torin went to get the ball and Chris said, "You have to keep your eye on the ball." Torin looked at Chris. Then looked at the ball. And proceeded to put the ball on his eye.

Got a good laugh out of that!

Home alone...

So Tuesday morning after I left for work, the boys jumped in the car, picked up Papa at his hotel and headed to Pittsburgh...three generations of Jarrell guys on a road trip. Chris had Torin saying, "road trip!" So cute.

After a yummy dinner at Mike's with my mother-in-law that evening, I headed home to an empty house...well, empty except for Pebbles. It was so odd not to have anyone else here. I haven't been home alone overnight since Torin was born. I've traveled and left the boys here. Chris has traveled and left us here. I've traveled with Torin. But the two of them had never gone anywhere overnight without me.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep well. I think I dozed on and off while watching Golden Girls, Cheers and Frasier. And then it was time to get up and get ready for work...all alone. No one else to get up. No one to get breakfast for. No one to try to get out the door to school.

Call me weird (it won't be the first time) but it just didn't feel right. I guess one day, according to some very wise friends, I'll learn to enjoy that time alone. But for now, I stand by initial reaction...it's just plain weird.

"Torin pray."

Torin and I got home from church today and after a battle through lunch and getting upstairs for nap time that had me beyond frustrated, he melted my heart.

He was sitting in his rocking chair drinking his milk and reading his Bible. I LOVE watching him read his Bible but I have to say that I just really wanted him to finish his milk and go down for a nap because he needed it and so did I.

After he was done reading, he said, "Torin pray." What could I say to that?

And with no prompting from me, here's exactly what he said:

"Lord, today. See Jude. Jesus name, Amen."

As his mom, I don't need a translation, but I'm happy to provide one for others. :)

"Dear Lord, thank you for today. Thank you that I got to see Jude. In Jesus name, Amen."

At a moment when I was near screaming, he completely melted my heart. It's so amazing to hear my son pray on his own. Thank you, Jesus. What a gift we have been given.

And to top off the evening, he was singing, "Glory to God, glory to God, glory to God forever" as we were listening to worship music.

THANK YOU, JESUS!! I pray his love for prayer and worshipping God only increases throughout his life.

Three kisses...

"I'll give you three kisses and whisper good night. Good night, Pookie ears. [Kiss!] Good night, Pookie nose. [Kiss!] Goodnight, Pookie eyes that are ready to close. [Kiss!]"

Night-night Little Pookie is my very favorite book to read to Torin before bed. We read it tonight and I love how he says, "Three kisses" when we get to that part. And then we go through the kisses at least two times. So cute.

After story time is bedtime prayer. While we were praying for the baby, Torin said, "Three kisses" and proceeded to kiss my tummy three times. Then he did the following: He said, "Pookie ears" (and put his ear to my belly), "Pookie nose" (and put his nose to my belly) and "Pookie eyes" (and put his eyes on my belly).

It was one of the sweetest things ever. It is so amazing to see him love the baby already. Melts my heart.

Toast...

Not the kind you eat...the way I feel.

The past couple of days have been crazy. Yesterday started and ended with a dead car battery. Thank God for the Bennetts...amazing, amazing friends who took good care of us yesterday, including putting in a new battery for me.

Today, I was looking forward to picking Torin up from school and coming home for a quick dinner and some relaxation before putting us both to bed early. But my lovely plans were thwarted by a sudden, and very horrible, grinding sound coming from my rear brakes. It was so bad that they I didn't even want to drive home and then have to drive it in to the dealer in the morning. So, after picking Torin up from school, he and I headed out to the dealer.

The silver lining was that after dropping the car off, we had a very yummy dinner at Zoes Kitchen. If you like chicken salad I highly recommend it. And their chocolate cake was incredible...I love sharing cake with Torin. He says, "Torin taste." And after I give him a bite he says, "Mommy taste." What a sweet boy.

After dinner we spent another 90 minutes in the waiting room of the dealership. Fortunately, Torin's preschool teacher let us borrow a DVD so he could watch it in our portable DVD player...that probably saved the evening. Thanks, Ms. Summer!

And one of the other customers gave Torin a couple of tennis balls to play with. I thought that was very nice.

Good news is that the brakes are replaced. The bad news is that this was the second late night in a row for Torin. It will likely take him a few days to catch up.

And I'm completely exhausted. This is definitely not ideal timing for these kinds of problems, but I'm so thankful for incredible friends who are watching out for us. And in the scheme of life, these are fixable problems.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a low key day.

"Great job, Torin."

Just recently Torin has started saying, "Great job, Torin" when he does something. He says it after he sings a song, says his ABCs, claps to a song, draws a picture, etc. Just about everything deserves a "Great job, Torin."

I love it that he does this because I feel like he's learning to give himself praise and maybe that means he won't always depend so much on what others think or say.

And it also means that hopefully he's hearing that enough from us that it's become part of his regular vocabulary.

Can't even describe how much I love this guy!

"Heal milk."

During bedtime prayer tonight, Chris prayed that God would heal Torin (pink eye and ear infection). Normally when we pray for God to heal one of us, Torin always makes sure that everyone is covered. So tonight, when Chris said, "Heal Torin," Torin repeated that and then continued with, "Heal Daddy. Heal Mommy. Heal Pebbles."

Very sweet.

Then it got funny. "Heal milk. Heal change diaper. Heal bed. Heal curtain."

What a funny, funny guy. Love him so much.

Date night with my little dude...

Torin and I had a great date night this evening. I figured since Daddy had softball practice, Torin and I would go out for a night on the town.

First we went to Stride Rite to confirm my suspicion that his shoes were too small. He really did NOT want to get his foot measured but we did a quick measure and determined that his current shoes are, indeed, too small. Poor guy. I have such a hard time keeping up on the shoe thing. We left Stride Rite and with wearing his new shoes and saying, "New shoes. New shoes."

Then we went to Target to get diapers and contact lens solution. I know...we're total party animals.

We decided we wanted pizza for dinner so we went to Bertucci's for dinner. I forgot that they give the kids dough to play with it. He loved it. We made shapes and then I showed him how to take the end of his straw and make circles in the dough. Then we took two straws and made all the letters we could think of using 2 straws. His favorite was T for Torin. :)

Have to give a plug for their kids meals. Good sized pizza, drink and a little ice cream cup for just over $5. He LOVED the ice cream treat.

Came home for bath and bed. Great evening with my little dude.

Jesus and the Disciples

If you were expecting some analytical thinking or something spiritual about Jesus and his disciples, I'm sorry to disappoint.

This is all about Torin's toy Jesus and disciples. Chris bought this "toy" for a small group he was leading a year or so ago. It is a boat with Jesus and all the disciples. What's weird (other than the fact that he bought it) is there are 13 disciples instead of 12. Not sure why, but I counted and it's true.

Torin now plays with this quite often. He loves to put the disciples in the boat and then dump on the floor and say, "Disciples fall down" or, "Disciples in water."

He puts the disciples to sleep and wants to change their diapers. He lines them all on the changing pad and then lays down next to them. He also asks for wipes...for the disciples. So I give him one and he wipes them off.

He likes to kiss the disciples too. And he likes mommy to kiss them too.

And then there's Jesus. Jesus came to Trader Joe's with us last week. He likes to put Jesus on the stairs and say, "Jesus, go sleep." He even shared his chocolate lollipop with Jesus. He said, "Jesus, taste."

While all this is fun and games (and so amazingly cute I can't stand it) I pray that his love for the real Jesus is just as enthusiastic.

Kiss you, Help me and other Torin sayings

Feel like it's time for a post on all the fun new things Torin is saying.

He now says, "Kiss you" and will likely pull you to him. That means that he wants you to kiss him. It's only been a short while that he's actually been saying, "Kiss." Prior to that he said, "Tiss." Both are cute as can be.

Now when Torin says, "Help me" it means he wants to help you. When we get home from the grocery store, he runs into the kitchen yelling, "Help me, help me." He wants to help me put the groceries away. But when he needs help, he just says, "Help, help."

One of his new favorites is, "One more time." We went to Wal-mart and took a walk by the fish. He looked back at the fish and said, "One more time." I think I need to teach him, "Last time" or he'll keep saying, "One more time."

This morning he was in his bed playing and he pushed the button on a toy and said, "Yay! Great job!" Love it!!

He's such a funny guy!

The haircut and the lost ticket.

Sounds like a fairy tale or a nursery rhyme. But it more resembled a nightmare.

I decided to try a new hair person (highly recommended by a good friend) and it just so happens that she's located at Pentagon City mall. I hardly ever go to the mall and I certainly don't love going to a mall where I have to pay to park.

The haircut went pretty well...the only thing I potentially regret is telling her to give me some long bangs. And if I end up being really sorry about that, it will be my fault because I told her to do it. Other than that, I would say it was fairly successful.

After the haircut, I headed out to the garage, paid $2 for parking and got into my car. I quickly realized that I no longer had the paid parking ticket in my hand. I got out of the car, retraced my steps from my car to the ticket paying thing and didn't see it anywhere. I tore my purse apart and didn't find it. I looked all around the car...alas, no ticket.

There was nothing else to do...I couldn't find it. So I drove to a cashier exit and explained to the lady what happened. She asked me if I had a receipt. Of course I didn't have a receipt...why would I need a receipt for paying $2 in cash? (Bet your bottom dollar I'll be getting a receipt every time from now on.)

The only option that resulted in me being able to actually leave the garage was to pay the $16 lost ticket fee. I was in tears as I handed her my credit card and by the time I exited the garage, the tears were flowing. I called Chris to tell him I was on my home and told him what happened. His response? "Why are you crying?"

I was so mad. I had just paid $18 to park to get my haircut. I don't let go of those things very easily...it irks me when I make those kinds of mistakes. And I'm definitely my own worst critic.

When we got home from church this morning, Chris opened the passenger side door of his car (the car I drove yesterday) and holds up the green ticket. It was between the seat and the door on the passenger side and must have fallen there when I tossed my stuff onto the seat.

I will so be calling them tomorrow to try to get my $16 back. Hopefully this story will have a happy ending.

"No want it."

This is Torin's new favorite phrase. He says it all the time.

Me: "Would you like a waffle." Torin: "No want it."

Me: "It's time to take a nap." Torin: "No want it."

Me: Putting him in the car chair at the barber shop. Torin: Clinging to my shirt with a death grip, crying and saying, "No want it."

On the one hand, I love that he is more specifically expressing what he wants and doesn't want. However, it can be quite the challenge when his response to everything is, "No want it."

Here's to having a 2 1/2 year old!

Girls Weekend

No. Stop. Don't. Now.

Days like today...

make me feel like an unfit mother.

Nothing super crazy happened, but Torin hasn't been feeling all that great and he was pretty moody today. And I'm tired and just not myself. The combo was not a good one.

My eyes are swollen from crying. My patience level is low and the enemy has me just where he wants me...discouraged and feeling defeated.

I love my son so much but boy does he know how to push my buttons. And when I'm already tired or my brain cells are focused on other things, there's a good chance that his button pushing is going to get a reaction.

Just telling it like it is. And, of course I know that I'm not an unfit mother. But there are days when it doesn't take much for me to feel that way.

Lord, help me to continue to grow in grace and to function beyond my feelings.

I don't know what to do with myself...

I only travel a couple of times a year for work. Now is one of those times. As I type this, I'm sitting in my hotel room in Baltimore wishing the Starbucks across the street delivered so I wouldn't have to throw on my sweats and go outside in the cold.

Traveling has become increasingly more difficult since Torin was born. Before I only had to think about Chris. Now there's a totally different level of worry when I leave home. Not because I don't think Chris is capable...he's beyond capable. He's a wonderful dad. But I'm a mom. That's my job. (Okay I know it's really not my job to worry, in fact my Bible study this morning touched on that, but still, it's what I do.)

I realized something yesterday afternoon after I arrived and finished the few things I needed to do before our evening reception. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm away. I was wandering around asking people if they needed help. I stood in the lobby of the hotel for a few minutes...just standing there looking stupid. I finally made my way back to my room and did my nails and watched Sister Wives. Don't judge me...the hotel doesn't get Food Network, which is my channel of choice on the weekends. So I turned to TLC, thinking I might find an episode of What Not to Wear. I never realized I'd get sucked into this very strange show.

Anyway, it's ironic that when I'm home and immersed in every day life, it's easy to think about how great it would be to have a little break. But then as soon as I'm actually away, all I really want to do is go home. I guess that's the struggle for moms. I totally believe breaks are good, but it's so hard to let things go and really take a break.

My heart is with my guys.

Lent

I guess the ultimate procrastination is getting to the morning of Ash Wednesday and knowing I want to give up something for Lent, but not yet knowing what. I was at work that day but even so it was on my mind all day.

I definitely had some ideas but didn't really like them. Get ready for some confession. I thought about giving up sweets. But, honestly, my birthday falls during Lent and I love cake. And I'm traveling twice during Lent and know it will be very difficult to uphold this while everyone around me is stuffing their faces with dessert. And to be completely honest, giving up sweets doesn't actually do anything except make me sorry that I decided to give them up. I don't institute any positive behavior as a result.

I thought about giving up my computer between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. But, again, I'm traveling and will likely need my computer in the evenings. And, again, to be honest, I'd probably just watch TV in the evening and sleep until the last possible second in the morning. No positive behavior.

So...I decided to fast sleep between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m., Monday through Friday. Come on, people. I have to get a little break. :) By getting up early, I'm carving out daily time for Bible study which is something I really need to be more consistent about. And this actually institutes a positive behavior. One, I hope, will become a steadfast habit by the end of Lent.

So, here's to waking up early and studying the Bible! For anyone who is wondering why I'm blogging before 6 a.m., I've already done my study for the morning.

Happy Lent.

Vertical lines...

I really try not to put too much focus on how Torin compares to other kids. I just let him be himself and try to nurture the knowledge and gifts within him.

As his mom, I know he's got some incredible gifts. He's known his ABCs for months. He can count to 14 in English and Spanish. He can spell his name.

And today at school, he drew vertical lines. What's funny is that I just read my weekly e-mail from babycenter.com this afternoon and checked out their milestone chart. One of the milestones is the ability to draw vertical lines.

He drew his vertical lines on the other side of a paper that they were supposed to color and cut out to put on their recycle bags. But when his teachers saw that he had drawn the lines on the other side, they left the paper in tact and gave it to us.

So awesome. It's amazing to watch him learn and grow.

I'm so blessed.

Helitractor

Torin is obsessed with tractors because of Cars. So it's only fitting that he calls helicopters, helitractors.

I love it!