"Uh, Mom?"

Torin loves Veggie Tales. The most recent is called "A Meaningful Life" and is loosely based on It's a Wonderful Life. As in all Veggie Tales, there is a silly song part of the way through the story.

In A Meaningful Life, the silly song is called "Bedtime Songs with Junior." Junior Asparagus' mom is tucking him into bed and sings him a song that starts out, "Good night, good night. The lights are out, good night..."

She finishes singing, turns off his light and leaves the room. As soon as she does, Junior says, "Uh, Mom?" And she comes back in and he asks for his bear and sings a song about how much he loves his bear and must have it.

After she gives him the bear, she sings another verse of the good night song to him and then leaves the room again. Again, he says, "Uh, Mom?" She comes in again and he asks for his cat and then all his other animals, all while jumping on the bed.

The past couple of nights after we've put Torin to bed, he lays down and says, "good night, good night." And as soon as we walk out of his room, we hear, "Uh, mom?" He says it a bunch of times and he's trying to mimic Junior Asparagus because his voice goes from low to high. It's so cute and hilarious. I can't even explain how sweet it sounds.

I actually went back into his room so I could leave again, hoping he would do it again. And he did. What a funny and amazing child. As hard as this is and as frustrating as it can be, I can't imagine life without him and I truly cherish these moments.

Sauceros (aka Rocknoceros)

When I found out a couple of weeks ago that Rocknoceros was going to be at Ebenezers, I was so excited. Torin LOVES their music...it's the first thing he asks for when we get in the car. I've taken him to see them before and he's enjoyed it but it's been a while and he's older and more interactive, so I was anticipating how he would react.

We got to Ebz a little early and they were still warming up. Torin ran around, going up and down the stairs, talking to other kids as they came in and watching the drums.

About five minutes before the concert started, Torin planted himself in the middle of the floor, on his stomach, and just laid there. I thought for sure when the music started that he would get up and sing and dance.

I was wrong. He just laid there. Finally Chris picked him up and brought him by us but he wouldn't even sit in our laps...just wanted to lay on the floor. I thought for sure he wasn't feeling well or that something was wrong...he didn't even clap after any of the songs...and he does that for every song in the car.

When the show was over, Chris took him to get his hand stamped by one of the band members and it was like magic...he was up and going again...acting like his normal self. I guess he was just tired and needed a little rest? I have to say I was a little frustrated that I paid $30 for us go to the concert so Chris and I could sing the songs and he could lay there and rest.

Oh Torin, I never know what to expect with you. Such is life I suppose. Guess we'll try again when they're back the next time.

A full belly.

A week or so ago I blogged about Torin only eating ketchup for dinner. Well...tonight was the opposite of that night.

We stopped at Aunt Sonja and Tio Mike's before we came home and he ate a few pieces of cucumber and a banana. Cucumber is one of his new favorite foods.

When we got home, I gave him a plate of chicken with barbecue sauce, macaroni and cheese, cucumber and broccoli. While he didn't eat any chicken, he ate 2 helpings of mac and cheese, 2 helpings of broccoli and about a quarter of an English cucumber...no idea where he put all that food.

It's definitely true that they know what they need and what they want. And it really does all equal out.

A perfect example of why it's not worth it to stress over food.

"Summer, Jenna. Amen."

I always pray with Torin as we're pulling into the parking lot of his school. We pray for his day and his teachers. Today, when we were leaving the parking lot after school, I heard him saying, "Summer, Jenna. Amen."

He was praying for his teachers. So sweet.

Torin has been blessed with awesome teachers and we are so thankful.

Thank you, Miss Summer and Miss Jenna for all you do for Torin and all the other students. Please know that we are praying for you and Torin is too!

"Some me."

We have a couple 2 liters of soda on the table left over from small group. While we were eating dinner tonight, Chris poured himself some ginger ale.

Torin watched him and said something that neither of us caught. He repeated himself a couple of times and then held out his cup and said it again, "Some me."

He wanted some in his cup. Obviously we didn't give him any, but it was too cute.

P.S. This post is really just for me...so I don't forget these little things. Love my boy.

"Red! Turn Green!"

Torin's latest game in the car is to announce the color of every traffic light. If it's red, we say, "Stop!" And, if it's green, we say, "Goooooo!"

So today on the way home from school, we came to a red light and Torin said, "Red. Turn green. Please." It was so cute. And then he counted down, "Three, two, one." And wouldn't you know, it turned green.

What a guy. So much fun to watch him learn new things. You can almost see the connections taking place in his head.

Love it. And love him muchly!

My Little Valentine

It just so happened that Valentine's Day coincided with my regular day off...and what a wonderful day it was.

Torin and I started the day by heading out for our Monday date at Starbucks. We have been going in the afternoon but we had plans to visit a friend so we hit Starbucks on the way.

As soon as we walked into Starbucks, Torin yelled, "CAKE!" So cute. I ordered my coffee and a muffin (I tried to explain that we were getting a blueberry muffin instead of a cupcake since it was 9:30 in the morning...not that they are probably that much different).

We sat at a little round table and shared our muffin. I love sitting across the table from him and watching him. We always have the best time.

From there, we headed over to play with some friends...some much needed friend time for mommy and great play time for Torin. Our time included playing with Cars characters, a fun walk and playing at the playground.

On the way home, I gave Torin a lollipop to keep him awake (I know this is becoming a habit). It was successful and we headed in to get ready for a nap. Torin was still eating his lollipop and decided he wanted to share it with Lightning, Chick and the King. It was terribly cute.

He took a fantabulous nap and then had the opportunity to play with some more friends while Mommy and Daddy went out for dinner.

Couldn't have asked for a better day. Love my guys!

Ketchup. It's what's for dinner.

I was excited to come home tonight and have dinner ready. I had a roast with potatoes and carrots cooking in the crock pot all day. Yum.

I fix plates for Torin and I (Chris was late) and we sit down at the table to eat.

Torin always asks for sauce, which means barbecue sauce but since we don't have any, I gave him ketchup. He proceeded to eat all the ketchup with his fingers and then ask for more. I told him he couldn't have any more ketchup unless he ate some potatoes and carrots. He got a few more drops of ketchup off his plate and said, "All done."

Seriously? A tablespoon of ketchup for dinner?

The food can make you crazy. And it has made me crazy. But I'm trying to let it go. If he was starving, he'd eat more than ketchup. And even if he is hungry, he won't starve before morning. I don't want food to be an issue in our house. So I need to try not to make it an issue.

Lord, help me. This is hard stuff.

"Bye B*tch!"

This is another installment in "we can't forget all the funny things Torin says."

We're watching my mom's dog, Butch, while she's on vacation this week. My mom brings him over a lot so Torin's used to seeing him and having him around.

It's not unusual for Torin to say goodbye to Pebbles in the morning when we're leaving for school. This morning, though, we were walking out the door and he said goodbye to Butch. Only, he can't say Butch. He says, "B*tch." So it sounded like he said, "Bye B*tch!"

And yesterday, I let the dogs out and Butch was taking his sweet time so I was standing with the back door open yelling Butch's name. Of course Torin followed suit: "B*tch! B*tch!" I can only imagine what my neighbors would think if they'd heard him.

As a parent, I don't want to encourage him to continue saying that. But it's really very funny...laugh out loud funny.

On a side note, I should probably explain this to his teachers so that if he talks about Butch at school, they'll know what he's trying to say.

Can I say who's calling?

First, a confession. I don't have trouble being transparent with a few good friends. And thank God for them. But being transparent in front of the world isn't easy for me.

Anyone who really knows me knows that I don't have it all together. But my perfectionist, OCD self always wants to pretend I do. That's the catch 22 with my blog. I can either not write about stuff (and I know there will be things that are just too private to share) and pretend this blog truly reflects my journey, or I can share some of my struggles in addition to the joys and celebrations.

Okay, here we go.

I went to a mom's chat today hosted by a great friend and with a speaker who is also close friend. She shared amazing wisdom from her parenting experience. I'm thankful for friends who can impart some of that wisdom for those of who need it.

She said many wise and thought-provoking things but what really spoke to me is what she shared re: self talk. It's important to be able to discern the voices in your head. When someone calls on the phone, you ask who it is if you don't already know. I think the same is true for the thoughts/voices in your head. And I don't usually take time to do this. So all the talk, good and bad, is jumbled together and not appropriately attributed. For example, God is not telling me I'm a failure. If that's in my head, it's either me or Satan. And I shouldn't be entertaining those thoughts.

This is something I struggle with. I don't feel worthy. I don't feel good enough. But I need to remember that God doesn't feel that way about me. And when it comes right down to it, that's what's important. I need to re-frame the way I talk to myself. And when Satan is talking to me, I need to rebuke him and shut the door.

Lord, help me to do that. Help me to see me the way you see me. Thanks, my friend. That was for me.

The NOT Sleep Study

Where do I begin? Oh, how about: the sleep study sucked. I mean, it was really horrible. I have no idea how they expect you to actually sleep.

After getting all hooked up to about a million wires (I never exaggerate) on my legs, shoulders, head (scalp), face and finger they turn out the lights and say, "Relax and be sure to sleep on your back."

Um, really? I don't normally sleep on my back so I spent an hour just trying to fall asleep on my back before giving up and turning to my side. Only to find that turning with all the wires was virtually impossible. It's a good thing they were monitoring me all night or I might have strangled myself.

The sleep tech came in multiple times because some of the leads kept coming off my head. Nothing like someone shining a flashlight in your face and pushing on your head to make you relax.

Then around 2 a.m. the sleep tech came back and put a CPAP mask on me. Apparently my doctor ordered a split study meaning that the first half of the night they would monitor me and then the second half I'd be connected to the CPAP machine.

I chose the least claustrophobic mask which still had to be tightly strapped around my head but only consisted of a very small plastic piece that went in my nostrils. After I was all hooked up, he said, "Okay. Relax and try to sleep on your back. And only breathe through your nose."

Really, people? I have this thing very tightly strapped to my head. And, breathing through my nose is a very recent phenomena for me...resulting from my Dec. 30 sinus surgery. I can definitely breathe much better now but am not used to only breathing through my nose since I've been a mouth breather for most of my 36 years.

I did actually manage to get some sleep before I heard, "Morning," over the intercom at 5:15. It's a good thing he didn't add "good" to that or I might have had a really not nice response.

Nothing really good about this morning, other than I'm done with the sleep study and I got to come home, wash all the crap out of my hair and see my two favorite boys.

Sleep studies suck. Just in case there's any doubt remaining. All I really want to do is crawl in bed and actually get some sleep.

Struggles of a Working Mom

Before I even get started, let me just clarify that I'm referring to working outside the home. I am home quite a bit (thankfully) and am well aware that stay at home moms are also working moms. In most cases they probably work harder during the day than those of us who leave the house to work.

Hopefully I've said enough to avoid contention. :)

Yesterday was a tough day. Torin has an ultra sensitive gag reflex (thanks Daddy for imparting this to our son) and has struggled with throwing up in the morning when he's congested. Such was the case yesterday morning.

Having a gut feeling that was the cause of the incident, I took him to school, told them what happened and asked them to call me and let me know if it happened again. I was breathing a sigh of relief until my phone rang a little after 10...snack time.

Turns out he choked on a piece of rice cake and threw up. My son LOVES to shove huge amounts of food in his mouth. (I'll never understand this. He often eats as if we put his plate down and say, "Go! Hurry! You only have 3 minutes to eat!" And then take his plate away.) And if I had a ginormous piece of rice trying to go down my throat, I'd probably throw up too.

I was still pretty convinced that he was not sick although my immediate reaction was to tell them I'd be right there to pick him up. I called back in about 15 minutes to check on him and he was drinking water and eating rice cake (they had broken it up into small pieces for him).

He was fine the rest of the day, ate all his lunch and had a great day. Meanwhile, I was a mess. Anxious, stressed and stomach in knots worrying about my son.

All this to say that working outside the home is hard (so is being a stay at home mom). I struggle with loads of guilt, as I know other moms to do too. And what's funny, is that the guilt isn't isolated to those of us who work outside the home. Many of my stay at home mom friends say they struggle with constant guilt too...just over different things.

My son is so important to me. And I pray that God continues to give me wisdom and good gut feelings so I can do my best to balance the craziness that is my life.